How to Handle Gaslighting from Your Boss or HR Department
Gaslighting isn’t just a personal relationship issue — it can happen in the workplace too. When your boss or HR department makes you question your memory, perception, or even your sanity, it’s a serious red flag. Workplace gaslighting can damage your confidence, reputation, and even your career if not addressed properly.
Here’s how to recognize it and what to do if it happens to you.
1. What Workplace Gaslighting Looks Like
Workplace gaslighting can take many forms, including:
- Denying conversations or agreements that you clearly remember having
- Blaming you for mistakes that weren’t yours
- Twisting facts or rewriting events to make you doubt yourself
- Undermining your credibility with others
- Retaliating subtly after you report a concern or harassment
Gaslighting often happens when employees raise legitimate issues — like discrimination, wage violations, or harassment — and management or HR tries to make them doubt their experiences instead of addressing the problem.
2. Trust Your Documentation, Not Their Narrative
One of the most powerful tools against gaslighting is evidence.
Keep detailed notes of:
- Dates, times, and participants in key meetings
- Emails, messages, or memos that show what was actually said
- Performance reviews or written feedback that contradicts false claims
If conversations happen verbally, follow up in writing with a confirmation email (e.g., “Just to confirm our discussion today…”). This builds a clear paper trail.
3. Involve HR Carefully — and Know Their Role
HR’s main role is to protect the company, not necessarily the employee. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to them, but you should:
- Bring facts and documentation, not just feelings
- Ask for everything to be kept in writing
- Avoid informal “off-the-record” conversations
If HR participates in gaslighting or dismisses your concerns, it may signal deeper organizational issues — and it might be time to seek legal advice.
4. Know Your Legal Protections
If gaslighting is tied to a protected activity, it could be illegal retaliation. Examples include:
- Reporting discrimination, harassment, or unsafe conditions
- Requesting medical leave or disability accommodation
- Asking about unpaid wages or overtime
Under laws like the California Fair Employment and Housing Act (FEHA) and Labor Code §1102.5, retaliation for asserting your rights is prohibited.
5. When to Contact an Employment Attorney
If your situation involves manipulation, false accusations, or retaliation after reporting misconduct, it’s time to talk to a lawyer.
An experienced employment attorney can help you:
- Evaluate whether gaslighting has become retaliation
- Protect your job and professional reputation
- File a claim or negotiate a resolution discreetly
